2nd Place is the 1st Loser

Just recently, I heard the phrase “2nd Place is the 1st Loser” for the very first time.  My first reaction was this was just something used by those who won 1st place to rub it in the faces of those who didn’t.  But then, my mind instantly went to all the times in my life when I didn’t get 1st place.  And in that split-second, I thought “So what did that make me?”

My next thought was of how damaging that mindset can be to anyone – especially to those who are trying to make sense of the world and figure out where they fit in.   Which are most if not all our young people!

I was a teacher and counselor in schools for many years and witnessed more times than I can count, a young person giving up IMMEDIATELY because they didn’t know how to do something.  Sometimes they’d literally spend one minute on a task and stop and not go any further. 

Was this a product of this pervasive mindset in younger people?  That it’s better to not even try than be considered a loser because in trying you might “prove” you were a “loser” in the first place?

And then the dark ugly side of this came to mind. The push for perfection, the self-loathing, the never-ending anxiety, the all-encompassing depression, the fear of getting 1st place then slipping back and becoming a “loser”.

In this mindset, there’s no value in pushing yourself and growing through the process nor failing at a task and learning how to do it better the next time.  And you can forget about getting joy out of winning if you're always having to look over your shoulder in fear of losing that first place slot.

I was relieved to learn diving deeper into this that while the phrase is popular among teens, it’s often used more in a humorous, exaggerated, or ironic way rather than as a strict belief.  It was also stressed that “while the phrase is still present in competitive environments, it’s being balanced by a growing movement that values effort, self-improvement, and the idea that losing isn’t necessarily failure - it’s part of the learning process.”

In working with teens as a mental health provider, I see all too many times the damaging side of things such as this.  As their caregivers, let’s ensure we foster the healthier mindset of valuing effort and hard work over winning at any cost. Our young people deserve nothing less.